Seasons
Embracing the passing of a loved one is an uncomfortable position. In one moment you're running errands then you get a text and your mind goes blank. The next breath hurts and this news changes everything.
More importantly, what do you tell the rest of your family?
The biggest mistake most grownups make is that they assume that the children will get over it. Or that they're too young to understand. And like I said earlier, that's a mistake.
I'm not a psychologist or counselor so everything in this blog is based off of my experience and for educational purposes. After all, I am a mother.
Children are naturally intuitive.
Unlike adults, children don’t have as many walls or barriers and they’re still forming their ideas. Much of the world is in front of them and they watch in observation of everything.
“The joy you create in this life, will honor them in the after-life.”
These "5 Steps" are from my experience and I wanted to share it with you. And hopefully you will make it your own and translate this example into your holistic lifestyle. Keep in mind that these are only suggestions and ideas. The goal is to approach the next few steps with an opened mind.
FEEL it together.
The old saying, "You can't change what you won't acknowledge. Accepting the loss is helpful because you will have to translate the process through your body language. Why? Because every single child is good at reading body language. They're like mini mirrors, reflecting what influences them.
Your ability to feel the circumstances WITH THEM will help them flow through it.
Children learn from what you do and rarely from what what you say. Model the process and be the example.
Side Note: If you’re still dealing with childhood trauma, seek professional help.
ASK them, “How do you feel” then share memories.
What is it about this person that I want them to remember?
How do I want them to remember this person?
Communication is the key when dealing with grief, don’t let silence become a prison. Silence has a way of placing our emotions in solitary confinement.
Ask, share, remember… communicate. Let your child know that you're always available then listen when they speak.
Trust is built as they learn to rely on you. This will help eliminate the feeling of abandonment. Which many of us, adults, have felt before. Don’t let it happen to your child.
SHARE a meal together.
Good food can do wonders for the body while sustaining the mind. It hugs our senses with warmth and allows us to find peace.
Dealing with the loss of a loved one can be emotionally draining, and we might not want to eat. However, breaking bread gives us a chance to share in the grief and healing. Sitting face to face allows us to connect.
Within the confusion of hurt, sorrow and grief the last thing you’ll want to do is eat. But in my humble opinion that’s the first thing you’ll want to consider.
Through the grieving process; sharing a meal with your child teaches them to nourish through the pain. This is very holistic.
COMMUNICATE often through words and with gestures of love.
Once you’ve gone through the process together begin to open up the conversation.
Having a delicious meal opens the door for you to chat between servings. Maybe share a funny memory or the things you loved about that person.
Allow your child to feel comfortable with talking to you. Learn to LISTEN. You don’t have to solve everything but you do need to listen. Listening validates their feelings and shows how much you care.
A hug can do wonders!
REPEAT steps 1-4 as often as needed.
This is a process and it will take time.
Make sure that ALOHA or love is the foundation and be patient with your child. Burst of anger and fits of rage are part of the process. They’re still learning how to communicate their BIG feelings.
For my ‘Ohana, after all the tissues and tears we managed to make our plates. Fumbling over the meal and somehow found laughter in the midst of it all.
I know it's not over but this starts the process. The pain of loosing a loved one will never go away but new memories will fill our hearts. The goal is to create a ton of happy ones while honoring their light. And this is the circle of a holistic life.
Additional resources.
If I could offer you inspiration, motivation and hope that would be through my Instagram page. Connect with me on a weekly basis as I share prompts, quotes and mini-vlogs to help you live holistic. And even better, tag your friends and family because there's nothing like a good share.
